Who's really living?

I freely admit that I am a keen Facebooker. On a daily basis, I centre myself in a moment, using this social networking site to summarise an event, an idea, an experience so that in a way, it is a kind of meditation.

Philosophers of our times often caution us to be aware of the 'now', to live in the present and personally, I find sites like Facebook a readily available tool in allowing us to do just that.

So I'm not ashamed of my Facebook addiction, although sometimes, it can consume a little too much time for my liking.   Overall I find it an enhancing, connecting medium that allows me to stay in touch with friends and relatives around the world.

So when, recently, I was discussing Facebook with what my sons would call 'noobs' to the Facebook world, I was secretly outraged when they alluded to the fact that I was "always on Facebook" and they "didn't have time".

The subtext of course that THEY were so much busier (ie. doing much more IMPORTANT things) that I could not possibly be doing anything constructive with my life. There was a certain tone of disparagement.

It was at this point that I did a stocktake of my year to date. Was I really leading such a useless life of pointless, time-wasting Facebook addiction? Was I really such a pathetic bum scratcher?

I took a deep breath and looked back at my Year to Date and I have to say, I was relieved.

Between January to August 2011 here is a list of the things I've done - if indeed "doing" is the only monitor of a worthwhile and constructive life:

I completed my CPR and First Aid Certificate (something I've always wanted to do). I learned how to save a life. Surely that's worth something.

I have almost completed a Certificate in Fitness including 6 weeks of work-experience. I have one chapter to go I admit though - and am seeking motivation for that home run.

I qualified as a soccer referree and passed many a glorious Saturday morning on a Soccer field, helping young kids be better players and good sporstsmen.

According to my handy Nike device, I've run 80 kms in just the last few weeks, and walked the length and breadth of my neighbourhood for exercise and pleasure. I got to the gym at least once a week.

I completed a huge array of tasks to assist a local Mayoral candidate with what is an exhausting campaign - amongst them, a launch event (150 people), a business event (200 people) and just this week a small lunch for 50 people. In November there's another major event that I'm already pre-planning. I also dropped letters in 4500 letterboxes in my neighbourhood and EVERY Thursday evening for the last few months, without fail, I've attended a meeting of some kind with my candidate - a beautiful hearted woman I would passionately love to see become Mayor of my City.

On the personal front I held a party for 80 for my husband's birthday, I hosted my parents' Golden Anniversary celebration and, this month, I'll be hosting my son's 18th birthday party (with a horde, no doubt). In short, I've entertained the population of a small country at my home including dinner parties.

I travelled to Bali for 10 blissful days with very dear friends.

I joined a band (briefly) before learning a sorry lesson about the humours of the increasingly old and grumpy - I now know how to beat a drum!

I painted 13 paintings and exhibited them with my sister and Father as part of a family exhibition (and I sold six of them!).

I have played at least 15 soccer games, I hang out at the Golf Club from time to time, and this year, have enjoyed a weekly Trivia game at the golf club with a close group of friends.

I also still managed to run my small business and this year, completed projects for organisations in South Australia, NSW and throughout Queensland. Did I mention I scored three new clients this year? One of them is a non-fiction book I'll have written by the end of the year.

And I still have four months of the year to go.

So don't give me a hard time about how much you see me post on Facebook. It's insulting to insinuate that people who enjoy communicating via whatever medium - phone, social networks, SMS - are frittering their time.

You may discover that quite to the contrary - those who are on Facebook are the busiest and most active people of all.
They're living fruitful and fulfilling lives which is exactly WHY they have so much to share.

Facing off to Facebook

It started as a bet.

After months of being teased about my manic Facebooking habit, I boasted to my husband that I could survive without it for two weeks. There would be no computer or Iphone access with the prize, a cool $100 for the victor to spend, guilt free.

And I was off.

Now as a person who’s known for a huge variety of interests, I never believed that Facebook was ever too intrusive in my life.

After all, I am, I guiltily admit, one of those you’d describe as ‘time wealthy’ and in the main, I have large tracts of hours that I can spend doing exactly what I want.

I do run a small communication consultancy and have a handful of clients who sometimes demand my time.

But a typical week might find also me refereeing or playing soccer, getting in a game of golf, jogging, and attending my local gym. I’ve got a few cultural interests: I’m presently practicing for my Sixth Grade exams in piano, I love drawing and painting, I write for pleasure – especially poetry.

I’d like to think I have a rich social life, too. On weekends, I am a keen entertainer. I hold at least one major celebration a year with at least 60 guests. I love cooking and routinely try new recipes.

I donate my time to causes. I sit on a Foundation board. I visit an old lady in a nursing home from time to time I find time for my sister who I visit regularly

I love learning new things. I’m presently teaching myself French.

(I know I'm not 'usual' in my eclectic, some would say manic, habits. It's a genetic flaw I'm afraid - just ask my sisters.)

But while I draw breath, of course, I argue that Facebook is simply a part of a rich life in which people are important.

I justified my foray into social media three years ago when I realised that, as a professional communicator, it was a world I had to understand and be comfortable interacting within.

But one week into my Facebook free challenge, I'm gobsmacked at how much more constructively I am using my time.

I've started four new artworks – a record for me as I work in mixed media which is time consuming. At the rate I’m going, they’ll be finished by the time my bet is over.

I’ve been writing a novel and have left it neglected for months. So far I have added 5000 new words. Who knows how much will be written by the time this wager is over?

I’m finding ways to be creative with my spare moments. Excitingly, I’ve made time to read.

I’m also a lot more aware, already, of what my children are up to as I’m not allowing myself to spend free moments glued to my computer screen.

I’m not angsting about posting things that are interesting and that faintly dubious illness that is the need to document – well – everything!

More importantly, I am not allowing myself to be sucked into discussions about subjects I do not care about for what I see as validation for my Facebook friends, many of who I know only tangentially.

Often I find these discussions vexing. Someone will get their knickers in a knot about something I've said or someone else has said and, all of a sudden, my good humour has been tarnished and by someone I'm unlikely to meet face to face.

Of course, I wonder at how easily we imagine we form relationships via Facebook and how meaningful they really are.

I wonder if the time spent cultivating friendships with people who are unlikely to make a tangible difference to my life is innately fulfilling?

There are six billion people on this planet, and I am certain that were I to attempt it, on any given day I might uncover several who share at least one of my many interests and who I find likeable, engaging, intelligent and interesting.

But how many friends do I need?

And what can a collection of virtual stranger really ADD to my life?

Don't get me wrong. I love my Facebook friends. I love their honesty, openness, intelligence and humour. But perhaps I love them a little TOO much.

So at last, I've concluded that, I will be more rigorous about when and where I Facebook. It could be, for instance, my Sunday afternoon treat. I'm sure my 'friends' will understand.

As a result of this bet, I've realised that I can better invest those spare moments in my day.

I now know how quickly they add up.

The four paintings testify to that.

Who wants to know?

Proclamations of love.  Daily intimacies. Daily diaries overflowing with mundanities.  Often hastily scribed, sometimes bubbling with excitement, and perhaps an overuse of punctuation.

Don't you love social networking sites?  All of a sudden, once-lonely Leona has a million 'friends' or 'followers' and boy, is she embracing the share-fest.

The voyeur in me loves it - and sure, it's heartening to know that I am not alone in my imperfect, angst-ridden life.

But the communicator in me can't help but cringe.

The fact is that all communication should be about 'targeting' or niching messages specific to an audience, something that is lost to the average Facebook user.  Not every message is interesting, relevant or suitable for every person and is dependent on a range of demographics - age, education, culture and so on.

Despite privacy options that enable us to distill our friends into lists, unfortunately most people don't realise that the more "friends" you accumulate, the more care needs to be taken in exactly what is said or shared.

Okay, I know it takes the fun out of it.  It's the spontaneous, visceral 'posts' I enjoy - the friend in the thrall of jubilation, the one needing advice and counsel, the one having a bad day, the one (usually me) not afraid to post a heartfelt expletive.

But the cruel reality is that the more obscure the degrees of connection to your world of Facebook friends, the more caution we all need to take in who, what, where and when we choose to post our feeling, thought or insight of the moment.

Spontaneous communications are wonderful between intimate friends, but as the degrees of separation get into their double digits, it is wisest to practice some self-censorship.

Start with your motivations.

Remember that your commentary on sites like Facebook and Twitter are a window to your world.  Do you want to impress, inspire, titillate, shock, amuse, inform, entertain, excite?

From the great 'why', the 'what' will follow and please, don't forget the most important consideration in my view, 'who'.  Who wants to know?