A Little More Conversation

My sisters and I often moan about it - the slow death of conversation.

I don't know if it's television, mobile phones, industrial deafness, congenital dullness or people with a genuine disinterest in others but it seems the average person today has no idea as to how to start a conversation or keep one going.

The other day I sat on one side of a long-table at a local function and was amazed at how the lady sitting two feet from me was looking at me yet could not rouse herself sufficiently to even say hello.

As usual, I took the bull by the horns.  I said:  "Hi, my name's Bronwyn.  How do you know Linda?" (the function organiser).   There was the slight uplift of eyebrows as if to say:  "Me?  You want to talk to me?"

Actually, I didn't because the truth is, after around 40 years of trying to show an interest in people, there are occasionally moments when the very idea of it is, frankly, wearying.

What is it with people these days?  Even when we find the time to sit down with people we know, there is often complete disinterest in conversation.    

The average person is content to sit their like the cold leftovers of a long-forgotten dinner and,  I don't know, I suppose just wallow in a moment of exuding their own dullness.

Personally, I can't see the point.  Human relationships are about interaction, and interactions begin with a genuine interest in others.

You'd be surprised at what you can learn if you just take the time to engage with another human being.

A simple question about why they might be sitting where they are, might lead to an association and possibly a common interest or experience that may find your time at that table you're sitting is passed much more pleasantly.

Conversation is, in fact, at the heart of every relationship - whether with your lover, a work colleague or a friend.  As Wikipaedia observes, Conversation is indispensable for the successful accomplishment of almost all activities between people, especially the coordination of work, the formation of friendships and for learning.

It is therefore, I believe, an essential skill that we should all aim to become more proficient at. 

Feel uncomfortable conversing?  Then you need to learn how and the best way to do so is to start practicing!

Most conversations commence with a question or an observation.  Try to avoid complaining, whinging or gossiping about other people.  Focus on ideas, things that are happening around you, perhaps a news item you may have seen on TV or read about.  Introduce a subject and see where it takes you.  If it leads to a dead-end, try another tack.

With each new conversation, your skills will improve and before you know it, you'll find people gravitate toward you because you'll be genuinely interesting.   Good luck!

Who wants to know?

Proclamations of love.  Daily intimacies. Daily diaries overflowing with mundanities.  Often hastily scribed, sometimes bubbling with excitement, and perhaps an overuse of punctuation.

Don't you love social networking sites?  All of a sudden, once-lonely Leona has a million 'friends' or 'followers' and boy, is she embracing the share-fest.

The voyeur in me loves it - and sure, it's heartening to know that I am not alone in my imperfect, angst-ridden life.

But the communicator in me can't help but cringe.

The fact is that all communication should be about 'targeting' or niching messages specific to an audience, something that is lost to the average Facebook user.  Not every message is interesting, relevant or suitable for every person and is dependent on a range of demographics - age, education, culture and so on.

Despite privacy options that enable us to distill our friends into lists, unfortunately most people don't realise that the more "friends" you accumulate, the more care needs to be taken in exactly what is said or shared.

Okay, I know it takes the fun out of it.  It's the spontaneous, visceral 'posts' I enjoy - the friend in the thrall of jubilation, the one needing advice and counsel, the one having a bad day, the one (usually me) not afraid to post a heartfelt expletive.

But the cruel reality is that the more obscure the degrees of connection to your world of Facebook friends, the more caution we all need to take in who, what, where and when we choose to post our feeling, thought or insight of the moment.

Spontaneous communications are wonderful between intimate friends, but as the degrees of separation get into their double digits, it is wisest to practice some self-censorship.

Start with your motivations.

Remember that your commentary on sites like Facebook and Twitter are a window to your world.  Do you want to impress, inspire, titillate, shock, amuse, inform, entertain, excite?

From the great 'why', the 'what' will follow and please, don't forget the most important consideration in my view, 'who'.  Who wants to know?