Those of you who have stuck by me and continue to read my itinerant bloggings in this space will remember that recently, I pondered the Brave New World of virtual friendships.
This topic has stuck heavily on my mind and has moved me to contemplate the nature of modern friendships. Has the immediacy, flexibility and accessibility of technology-based communication corrupted our understanding of that most noble of relationships, "the true friend"?
The word "friend" it seems has been commandeered by sites like Facebook and MSN, to such an extent that many people seem to have forgotten the true meaning of the word.
First up let me make if plain that I am probably a little unusual in that I place a greater than usual emphasis on the word. Having been brought up in a boarding school environment, my earlier years were shaped to a major degree by people outside my immediate family. These variously included a nun with a gold tooth, school mates, teachers and if you count it, one crippled dog called 'Bingo'.
Later, when my family moved to Australia, the absence of immediate relatives meant our home was always full of "other people" - my very sociable parents vast collection of neighbours, work mates, fellow Sri Lankans and the occasional international visitor.
These were the people I relied on for my sense of connection to the rest of humanity and so, as a result, the notion of a "friend" was almost narcotic. They were people, in short, who mattered deeply to us.
I have therefore evolved into the kind of human being who places great store on those gestures that reflect genuine caring for another: remembering a birthday; offers of help in times of personal crisis; time spent (often endless time) offering advice, however flawed, to problems that sometimes seem insurmountable. I'm a frequent entertainer and, over the years, have held countless dinner parties and parties, many of them the sole highlight in the social calendars of various individuals. I place a huge emphasis on gifts and will take a great deal of time thinking about each person's likes and dislikes and hunting often for weeks for the "right" present.
But these gestures often surprise my many Australian-born friends. One even suggested, albeit obliquely that I am "over the top."
I would disagree. I would say that I am not "over the top" but that I do not take the concept of 'friendship' for granted. I view it as a flower that must be tendered lest it wither and die.
I argue that "friendship" is the foundation of every single relationship, whether with lover, sister or friend, with mother or child, with teacher, or mentor or any human being with who you interact in any meaningful way.
And friendship requires work and commitment.
Friendship should be a dialogue, not a soliloquy. It should be about presence not absence. It should be about remembering, not forgetting. It should be about the things that bring us together, not keep us apart. It should be about doing a little more - being 'over the top' - than doing a little less.
In my next blog, I will discuss how this notion of friendship should be applied to the online world. In the meantime, I ask you to think a little about what being a "friend" means to you.
And when you next "accept" a friend invitation on Facebook, perhaps pause a little and remind yourself of what this relationship should mean to you.
