Marks of Madness

I admit I'm a Virgo, a star sign associated with a pedantic attention to detail, so you won't be surprised when I admit to a ridiculous obsession with one of the oft neglected details of written communication - and that's punctuation.

As the frequent creator and/or editor of pieces of professional writing, indeed, I've been known to angst for hours over an incorrectly placed comma or, horror of horrors, an apostrophe.

Punctuation, it seems, wasn't established as a proper system until the 1400s and has its roots back in the 3rd century BC when some bloke from Byzantium came up with a system of dots and dashes, basically to help people reading verses know when to breathe.

It's kind of ingenious when you think about what just a bunch of tiny marks can achieve.

But I've come to find that the way we use puncutation in itself contains a secret discourse that I have attempted to decode in recent weeks. What I mean is that the kinds of punctuation marks you either favour or forget in themselves may say something about your intentions as a communicator.

Today I'll begin this subject by considering first the full stop, and second, the exclamation mark.

1. THE FULL STOP

First. The Full Stop. (Not to be confused with the Half Stop which is, I understand, a position in a Baseball line-up). Now I have no idea what bloody genius discovered that by simply stalling the nib of his pen to create something that looked like the carcass of a dead tea-fly, a rabble of words spilling forward in a kind on goggle of excitement might be contained and quickly settled. All I know is that it seems to work brilliantly.

But let's consider the unlikely scenario in which. The. Full stop is. Overused. It's easy to see. That the flow of language. All. But. Stalls. And you come across as. A bit of an experimental, literary. Wanker with absolutely no conscience when it comes to your readers' general impatience. With. Time wasting. They just. Want you to. Get on with. It.

Conversely, the under-use of fullstops too may have dire consequences as pieces of writing that contain absolutely no clues as to when would be a good time to stop reading can leave the reader in a kind of limbo and wondering when in God's name this paragraph is going to end or this sentence is it now or now or now without a full stop or two there can be no cue to the reader as to a good time to take a toilet break or have a nice cup of tea or perhaps a quick shag so the appropriate use of full stops certainly has its practicalities. And, by the time you choose to put your reader out of his misery, as biology would have it, he will most likely be on the floor with blue-tinged lips and gasping like a half-dead halibut.

2. THE EXCLAMATION MARK

The Exclamation Mark is one of a handful of punctuation marks that I believe should be approached with extreme caution.

Known variously as a 'shriek', or a 'bang' this little mark has its origins in the Latin word for admiration - io - in the sense that it referred to a 'sense of wonderment'. That resulting mark was known as the 'sign or note of admiration' until the 17th century and made its first appearance in the Luther Bible in 1797. (Not much admiration, but one assumes plenty of shrieking and banging happening in religious writing. I'm sure Jesus would agree).

Of all the punctuation marks at your disposal, the exclamation mark it seems is one of the most overused in common writing and inevitably sends a shudder up my spine!

There is a sense of melodrama to this mark that can imbue even the most mundane sentence with a hyperbole you may not always intend! It is not, as some foolishly assume, a mark that amplifies importance! Instead, it you may unintentionally subvert your meaning! You may find otherwise harmless phrases convey to the reader an unintentional urgency or significance!

It all gets horribly worse when the writer, in a florid state of emotion opts for not one but a collection of exclamation marks!! Remember, an exclamation mark is a bang!!!! It's a shout!!! Imagine one shout or bang becoming several!!!!!!! You'd think you were being attacked by either gun-wielding brigands or Neanderthal villagers bearing burning torches!!!!!!!! Your reader may be forgiven for questioning your mental state!!! Or if you've gone completely insane!!!!!!!!!!!!

The best way to illustrate it is with an otherwise inoffensive statement that you may find in an office memo or, perhaps a police statement (depending on your character).

Exhibit 1: No Exclamation Mark

"Look at what's happening."

Without an exclamation mark, this phrase sits their somewhat sedately as you position yourself as a focused, reasonable observer.

Exhibit 2: One Exclamation Mark

"Look at what's happening!"

The senses are stirred! One begins to wonder, "Where? What should I be looking at!"

Exhibit 3: Exclamation Mark Overload

"Look at what's happening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Aside the statement looking like it's been hijacked by a revolution of organised sperm, it's easy to see how the writer or speaker has been transformed into a hyperventillating maniac!!!!! There is no calm observation here, but panic!!!!!!! There's an urge to adopt the crash position, take cover under your desk, suck your thumb and scream for mummy!!!!!!!!

Now breathe, breathe, breathe. You'll be fine I promise once you realise that in the world of exclamation marks, less really is more.

As F. Scott Fitzgerald once advised:

Cut out all those exclamation marks. An exclamation mark is like laughing at your own jokes.

He meant, it's like an orgy of self-admiration that may not always work in your favour.

To be continued....